Jake welcomes Dave Reid who is a Marriage and Family Therapist at Zephyr Wellness, they discuss the Attachment Theory and how we are unable to regulate our emotions as individuals, we must have people help us process our emotions. 

The theory is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space. This explains how the parent-child relationship emerges and influences subsequent development.

In adults towards the child includes responding sensitively and appropriately to the child’s needs.  Such behavior appears universal across cultures. What attachment theory explains, is how the parent-child relationship emerges and influences subsequent development.

Our style of attachment affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress to, sadly, how they end. That is why recognizing our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship.

An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.

Once our is established the model of attachment influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met. When there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting both their own and another’s needs.  However, when there is an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, and a person picks a partner who fits with that maladaptive pattern, he or she will most likely be choosing someone who isn’t the ideal choice to make him or her happy.

We need to also understand that attachment does not have to be reciprocal.  One person may have an attachment to an individual which is not shared.  It is characterized by specific behaviors in children, such as seeking proximity to the attachment figure when upset or threatened.

Attachment theory provides not only a framework for understanding emotional reactions in infants, but also a framework for understanding love, loneliness, and grief in adults.

Secure adults find it relatively easy to get close to others and are comfortable depending on others and having others depend on them. Secure adults don’t often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to them.

Avoidant adults are somewhat uncomfortable being close to others; they find it difficult to trust others completely, difficult to allow themselves to depend on others. Avoidant adults are nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want them to be more intimate than they feel comfortable being.

Anxious / ambivalent adults find that others are reluctant to get as close as they would like. Anxious / ambivalent adults often worry that their partner doesn’t really love them or won’t want to stay with them. Anxious / ambivalent adults want to merge completely with another person, and this desire sometimes scares people away.

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1 Comment

Noggin Notes Podcast: Why People Need Each Other Part II · 28th May 2018 at 4:31 am

[…] the second part of the show, Jake and Dave Reid, who is a Marriage and Family Therapist at Zephyr Wellness, continue the […]

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